This, i’m basing off on some JYJ lyrics + my own imagination. the thing about having another handphone is entirely made up by me (if they do then, whatever). Also, i don’t think Lee Soo Man is the one that tortured them. i think it’s the other CEOs. I read somewhere that Lee Soo Man was only in charge of the music part. the pay etc was by the other bigshots of the company.

and anyway, i’ve seen the difference in the way SM artistes thank Lee Soo Man and the other CEOs. It’s obvious LSM is a lot more important to them as compared to the other bigshots. the “them” i refer to will be the othe bigshots who made our boys suffer.

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Times were becoming more stressful. The whole issue between the company and the cosmetics business made Yoochun wish that everything could just simply go away.

He didn’t know who to trust anymore. Everyone was telling him so many different things that the lies was starting to sound like the truth.

He had noticed that the staff had begun to talk to each member individually for long periods of time. And what he heard from them, about the members, made him sick. It was as though they were trying to separate the members, to weaken their bond. It was getting harder to talk to the members alone. If they hadn’t gotten their own private handphones, Yoochun believed that even he would start to have doubts about the members.

Thankfully, Jaejoong hyung insisted on them getting a separate handphone unknown to the staff. A set of phones only the 5 of them own.  If anything, Yoochun felt that this handphone was both a gift and and a curse. Yes, his trust in the members remained unwavered thanks to the private conversations they were able to have. However, it also led to him finding out that the staff, people whom he had trusted, were spreading rumors about him and the members to sow discord between them. What is this ridiculous state of events?

And he could sense, that Yunho hyung was starting to change his mind about the promise they made. He could understand why. The staff was telling him how he’ll never be able to survive if he left, even more so if he left fighting. He was told that the company would destroy the name of TVXQ if they went ahead with their decision to sue. There was a very high chance that they might never be able to go on Korean channels or even use the TVXQ name after they leave. Yoochun knew this. The name TVXQ was owned by SME after all. He was owned by SME.

Not only that, his mind was poisoned by images from toxic words he had to hear. Your members will leave you, they won’t stick with you. You are going to be facing events much much worse than what you have gone through so far. You think you guys can make it?

Yoochun held his head in his hands in frustration, almost agony. He knew the wiser decision would be to stay and endure. But can he really live a life like this? To be a shell, a puppet til the day he dies? Controlled and without a voice? Having to ask permission from people who were not even his parents, for things that normal people simply took?

The staff had always been experts at brainwashing them, ever since their debut. It wasn’t until recently that Yoochun realised that what he thought was a protective shield provided by them, was actually a wall of imprisonment. It had shaken him, this realisation. That what he thought was his family, were actually his owners instead. Owners.

And there was that whole thing with their parents. Changmin and Yunho hyung’s fathers were against their decisions. He could understand; What parent would agree to letting their sons being targets of SME? And it wasn’t even only SME. Yoochun knew that broadcasting stations had special relationships with SME. If they went ahead, their lives, as celebrities, would inevitably come to an end.

But even then was it that bad? Yoochun had already scouted some houses in the countryside to escape to, should the worst case scenario come to fruition. He could live there, have a family, away from stalkers.

Yoochun was tired of this. He was sick of being trapped, of being a frog in a well. Fine, if he couldn’t sing or stand on stage anymore, fine. He had had enough putting his own happiness behind everything else.

He had to live for himself now. He had spent the past few years of his life living for them, and what did it get him? Nothing. When he needed help, they rejected him. What was this?

He was only worried that the members will back out on him. Even if they did, he won’t turn back. He’ll understand why they’ll do that. But he had had enough. He had lost the meaning of life, and was determined to find it back.

Is it so wrong if he wanted to live again?